critical hit
by: trudy haley (nurikoluver)

i sheltered You from the harsh squall of truth
like an angel i stood still obligatorily
as You clipped my wings
my one escape from this world
my one escape from you
with your words those words those fallacies

i thought i could not live without You
what i mistook for friendship was truly hate
i was just a kid back then (maybe i still am)
but it was lonliness as maslow said
that had me groping for the bosom
of acceptance wherever i could find it

critical times, critical measures
everyone's too critical on themselves
in these contemperary times
maybe You're too critical on me
critical times, critical figures
i'm nothing to you but a critical disease

destruction hate i dont know why
you keep a pet like me around
i wonder if that secret wish you never told
me is to simply to destroy me
just because you can (and want to)
with smooth sharp pieces of your mind

Bleed, bleed, I feel
the shards pierce my heart
like the sun's rays on my skin
a bright summer noon
tearing me apart
s l o w l y
s l o w l y
s l o w l y
slowly

Nyoink, I had a bad day yesterday.... THat's all I gotta say.

1 1s |\|0+ \/3rY 1|\/|p0r+4|\|+ 4|\|y|\/|0r3, 4|\/| 1?
S4y0|\|4r4, 1+ s33|\/|s...u|\|+1l y0u c4r3 3|\|uFF +0 r34L1z3 1 |-|4v3 f33l1|\|gs, +00.

Kaze left rather quickly... *worries*
I happen to have gotten IMed by an old friend of mine who scanned some of my drawings. *downloads them now* I can only wonder what they look like. *gulp* They're probably hideous as sin. *worries* I wish I had some good piccers so I could eventually put them on the site...
*waits impatiently*
I'm so tired. I wanted to play a good RPG today, but was sort of tired of replaying the same old games over and over again.
Halloween's coming up. Mom's getting paid on Monday. Maybe this weekend we can get costumes. (Yes, I'm still a dork, and yes, I still get a costume and go trick-or-treating. Hell, as long as I look 12, I'm taking advantage of the situation XD )

This really isnt how I wanted to do this Trudy.. Im not quite prepared. And I wanted to do it in person, but.. You seem worried I might stray, I love you more than anything Trudy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.. and I know everyone who reads this is gonna laugh at how corny I sound, but, oh well.. you are everything to me..

I havent a fancy ring.. yet.. but Trudy Haley, will you marry me?

"I need to go find a retarded kid and teach him to play softball!"...LOL. I missed Buffy last week...Saw it today, but...Ugh...Poor Buffy. Now I'm watching Gilmore Girls...what are the fucking odds...Can you tell I feel depressed? Let's hope so.

Wow.
I had just finished downloading Ayashi no Ceres, so I hurry to c:\Program Files\Hotline\ and accidently click on the eighth episode of Ayashi no Ceres I started downloading, not realizing I accidently clicked the wrong episode (I wanted to watch Episode Seven). So I'm like ?_? Why isn't it poping up? Well, without me knowing, it accidently double logs me into Hotline, into a server I was already connected to. x_X Well, anyway, this OP on the Hotline Server I was on bitched me out and temporarily banned me without asking for an explanation. >_< That really pissed me off. So I get back on and I explain it to him, and he's all nice and cool now. I mean, he went from raving lunatic pothead in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood to Mr. Fucking Rogers himself! -_-;
What a bitch! That's not fair! It's not like I did it on fucking purpose! Do you think my modem can handle two downloads at the same time?! NO WAY!
Not to mention he wasn't even the owner of it. The owner, as I know him, would be nice and HUMANE and not curse me out.
And sorry for the American stereotype, but does this sound familiar? Scream and get revenge now, ask questions later?
Hmmm...
*sighs* Add that to the list of reasons why I hate people.

NurikoLuver: I wanna chop my hair off.
NurikoLuver: I was thinking about it earlier. x_X
Kazenamida: Why?!
NurikoLuver: I wanna have it shorter. Not really short, but..
Kazenamida: Like Nobuko? Eh?
NurikoLuver: I don't really take care of my hair. x_X I don't fix it
Kazenamida: **is confused, and doesn't know if she's right**
NurikoLuver: Not like Nobuko x_X That's too short
Kazenamida: LOL...I do, sorta
NurikoLuver: I was thinking chin length
Kazenamida: I like my hair, I just don't take care of it well enough
NurikoLuver: I don't even brush it. x_X
NurikoLuver: I use my hand XD
Kazenamida: LOL....
NurikoLuver: And that's sometimes
NurikoLuver: I condition and shampoo it
NurikoLuver: But that's it. x_X
NurikoLuver: And my bangs are getting into my eyes
NurikoLuver: So maybe this week..
NurikoLuver: I dunno.
Kazenamida: If I don't condition it and jell it, it gets all fucked up
NurikoLuver: ROFL
NurikoLuver: I don't wanna look like a dyke
NurikoLuver: So I was thinking chin length
Kazenamida: LOL
NurikoLuver: Besides, my hair goes in all sorts of directions.
Kazenamida: LOL...
Kazenamida: I wanna get parts of my hair straightened so I can have bangs
NurikoLuver: I'm ugly, so I don't think I can look any worse.
NurikoLuver: My hair looks like shit.
Kazenamida: You're not ugly
NurikoLuver: I almost cried the other day, I felt so ugly.
NurikoLuver: *is ugly*
NurikoLuver: We were doing something in Journalism
NurikoLuver: We were talking about how people shouldn't judge by appearances
NurikoLuver: And Mr. Binet made an example of me.
NurikoLuver: He said that thisother chick was prettier than me, and pointed out my bad features, but then how good/nice/smart of a person I was.
NurikoLuver: I was ready to die.
NurikoLuver: I swallowed hard, because I thought I was going to cry.
Kazenamida: Awww ;_;
NurikoLuver: And I didn't want to cry, because then he'd know he hurt my feelins.
NurikoLuver: *feelings*
Kazenamida: **thinks Girl, Interrupted is just...very sad**
NurikoLuver: I tend to curl my toes up really tight, clentch my fists and hold my breath when I feel like I'm going to cry.
Kazenamida: I just get a weird feeling in my eyes...
Kazenamida: **hugs**
NurikoLuver: *throws herself a pity party*
NurikoLuver: Yeah, like my eyes start to burn.

.............

I am being honest...I just get insecure, cause I'm used to conversations trailing off with some of my online friends, but not with you, so I get lonely. I'm sorry ;_;

Kaze-chan...be honest with yourself, and if you can, be honest with me. I'm worried about you...

I'm sorry Trudy...I was sorta...moody yesterday. ;_; I know better than that, so...won't happen again. X_x

I wake up, I get ready for school, I come home from school, do my homework. It's the same thing every day...Yeah. I always wanted something to happen, to know that I'm different. (Jeez, this sounds like the beginning of Ayashi no Ceres. -_-;;)

I worked on a Ri-chan sprite and two Trudy sprites (I have NO life.) I drew something but ended up smudging it, which lead to me giving up. Nothing really cool or interesting has happened this week, I just did all the regular things, nothing really happened.

Well, my aunts on my dad's side called and said to watch out for my dad. x_X;; But over here, that's sorta normal (although it hasn't happened recently...)
Anyways, I feel sorta worried. I tried getting online after I took my nap and my fucking sister and her friend were acting like they were eighteen in a fucking chat room and stayed on for a long-ass time (about five hours, because I drew, watched Gladiator, and did something else. x_X;; Oh, napped.). I was worried about Kaze-chan, since she seemed a little... x_X;; Angry...? Hurt...? I dunno...I thought you were acting strange when it took me a minute to respond... (I typically take that long to reply when I'm eating sunflower seeds. ^^;;) I wish I knew what was the matter...I know I'm not a very good friend, going to sleep on you like that... ;_;

I hope you're okay. I'm trying to stay online as long as possible, but my mom is bitching at me, as she typically does.
Weekend is no longer a day for relaxtion from working all week at my house, it has become a time when I'm expected to clean...a LOT. My mom bitches and bitches and I end up doing about two or three hours of work each day. -_-;; I don't know why she can't understand-- this is MY WEEKEND! I cook and I wash dishes nearly every day, the least you could do is not aggravate me to wash them again the moment my eyes open and I climb out of bed.

Does anyone else's parents act like that?!
It's annoying me. A lot. I wish she would just leave me alone for a few minutes! ;_;

Quoteworthy

Trudy peacefully reads a book on the way home on the schoolbus, trying her best to ignore the screaming and the loud rap music; The book is about psychology.
Boy with Bleach Blonde Hair (B^3H) Are you going to college?
Trudy *sarcastically* No, of COURSE not.
B^3H Then why are you always reading those confoodled books?
Trudy I just look at the pictures to make you think I'm smart! *grins stupidly at the boy, as he has no sense of sarcasm*
B^3H Really? Wow, you stare at those pictures for a really long time!
Trudy Of course! If I didn't, then people will think I just looked at the pictures, when I'm REALLY just reading the book.
B^3H Huh?


Sorry I haven't had time to write lately, I've been loaded down with homework. -_-;; Trust me, I'll write a little about this week on Friday or Saturday. :-)

Please remind me next time I ask. Really. Or just tell me not to do it. That's probably the best thing. Because every time this happens, I find myself hating everyone/thing even more. And I think that being a nomad in the mountains of Louisiana looks incredibly appetizing right now. There's nothing I'd like better than to travel the imaginary mountains of Louisiana, with overgrown hair, attacking tourists for their po-boys. Just as long as they don't try and talk to me.

Yesterday, it was all good. Anime Club + Rebbeca = Slumber Party. Yay! All good! And then, today, Michelle goes home; Betsy comes over. Bad news for Trudy.

As the Jessi syndrome slowly reaches those most suceptible to changing personalities happens. I watch as it happens while I fix food for the group, making hamburgers and mac and cheese. It starts off like this:

1. Trudy cuts herself while opening the Velveeta package with a knife. "FUCK!" I scream sucking the blood from my finger. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" Trudy then watches as no one offers to get her a bandaid, as everyone is centered around the newcomber. Trudy decides to stick the knife through her foot. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!" she screams louder. "FUCK FUCK!" No one comes. Trudy then stabs the knife through her heart. "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FU~~" No one comes to her rescue as she falls to the ground and her eyes flutter shut. (okay, so maybe the last two parts were exaggerated, but only slightly. -_-;;;)

2. Trudy takes her food, because she is pretty pissed by now from being totally ignored after she basically cut her finger off while fixing food for the good-being of the group. And no one had told her thanks or anything. So Trudy was only slightly pissed. She finds Charlotte Web is on, and she hasn't seen that movie in atleast five years. She finishes eating, and settles down after eating to watch the movie. Trudy settles down, and yawns. She closes her eyes for one second, and the rest fo the world decides, "WOW! Trudy's asleep the second she blinks her eyes! Let's change it to MTV, because we know they have the crappiest music in the world!" Trudy fumes silently and then decides to give up and just goto sleep. It's not like she'd be missed.

3. Trudy wakes up from her sleep to find someone shaking her. Why does this seem so familiar? Oh yes, this happened last night when her mom came home drunk and threw up all over the floor. And then Trudy had to spend about forty-five minutes explaining to Rebecca that her mom was NOT an alcholic. So, letharigcally, Trudy opens her eyes. "Whaaauuut?"
"Hey, can Betsy wear your Hello Kitty shirt?" Holly asks.
Hmmm, let me think about that for a second. No. The Goth Hello Kitty shirt is tied with my NASA shirt for my favorite shirt, mostly because it was one of the better birthday gifts I got (from my cousin Courtney). I absolutely adore it, and I only had the oppurtunity to wear it about three or four times since my birthday (since I never really leave the house, and hence, I have no oppurtunities to wear it.) And didn't Betsy say last year that she...er...strongly disliked-- no, my memory remembers the world HATE - Courtney? Like that isn't a constant reminder of my anger?
"Let me think about it for a second," I say instead. Maybe she'd forget about the shirt so I wouldn't have to say no.
Literally, two seconds later, Betsy walks into the living room wearing MY GOTHIC HELLO KITTY SHIRT. I was pissed. But of course, surpressed-feeling Trudy isn't allowed to show emotions. So instead, I got up, got a coke, and walked to my room to surpress my anger through art therapy.

4. In between walking from the kitchen, and to my room, I inquired as to when I would have the oppurtunity to get on the computer (mainly for ranting purposes, so I wouldn't end up shooting someone at the end of the night...or stabbing myself in the foot). John said in a little bit, so in about ten minutes, he came back in my room. "Trudy, you can get on!" I gleefully run to the computer, only to find Rebecca playing Solitaire. -_-;; Please, please, please! I'm ready to shoot someone now!

5. Trudy gets ditched at the fair; Rebbecca tags along with her and John; She decides she needs a twelve dollar ring and a five dollar necklace; I didn't mind getting her the necklace (she didn't have any money, and I asked REPITIOUSLY if she needed to go home before we went to the fest to get some money, and she said no... -_-;;) My RETARDED brother gives her the money. I didn't mind getting her an icee and the necklace, but spending twenty dollars on someone I've only known for a month is not something that makes me a happy kitty. When Rebbecca left, I nearly smack him. I hope that Rebecca intends to pay us back, because some of that has to be our lunch money for the week. -_-;; (Yes, and I managed to have fun at the fair with NO money, because I sat around playing the free Basketball game at the Times Picayune Booth and had fun with free stuff [like coupon holders and tissues XD]) How someone could be so rude/inconsiderate to ask for something so expensive when she has money is beyond me. I always have money when I go places, even if it's five dollars in quarters. And if I don't have enough money, I don't ask for it. That's just EXTREMELY RUDE.

Things got better from there, after Rebecca left. I doubt she'll ever come to my house again, as she ate most of the food and also spent twenty dollars at the fair of money my mom can't afford to waste. (John spent two-fifty at the fair... -_-;;) Holly and Betsy spent the night and we had fun. ^^ Holly started to get on my nerves towards the end of the night; and the whole weekend, people were going through my stuff (thanks for asking, JERK! *annoyed look*) We watched a really good movie on Bravo called Light the Red Lanterns. Really really good. I want to watch it again, since we missed a bit of the beginning. REALLY REALLY GOOD! I need to watch it again! Nothing like watching the story of a bunch of mistresses before you goto bed to have you having strange dreams....

Strangest Dream This Weekend:
Trudy foils a bombing plan at the Super Wal-Mart off of Highway 90, by her fellow US History classmate and German exchange student, Marcus. She ended up getting hurt in the process, and goes home, badly wounded. T_T When she goes home, she remembers that she planned to rob the First American Bank this week with three other girls. The robbing went well, until the cops came and Trudy ran off, but they went down her street; everyone else had ditched her. Anyways...She hides behind Mr. Jimmy and Mrs. Mag's car, and is spotted. She realizes that she has the ability to fly and become invisible (frequently happening in my dreams, as I realize this when I do it, and then think that I can't, and become visible/fall again. ^^;; ) However, this ends up with a Mononoke Hime-esque sort of scene with me flying across rooftops, and cops following me by the noise I make when I do this. ^^;; Also, when I stepped on the roof of someone's greenhouse, it left smudgemarks and made an impression. ^^;; Eventually, I fly to the Northshore, still holding the stolen money, and still injured.

Now, this is REALLY REALLY REALLY WEIRD. In another dream, Courtney and I went to this non-existant neighborhood and this non-existant comic book store; I've never been there, but it's always been the same. Anyways, so I go inside and look at the issue of Nakayoshi that came in after mine...eventually, I end up asking the guy at the front desk if I can use his computer (and he agrees O.o), and I type up on my website that I need someone to pick me up from the Northshore, and give the address. I later hide out in the bathroom, where I spend the night.

The next day, Courtney appears at the comic book store, saying she read my message, but she couldn't explain to her mom why I was there x_X so she had just come to bring me some food. But later on, this cute guy picks me up and drives me home...

Which leads to freakier things, in which my dreams tend to skip days/weeks/months at a time. While I was already dating this guy, I had started to feel feelings for the savior who had saved me from the comic book store. ^^ And on Valentine's day., the other guy, who had, in time, become one of my closest friends, bought me tons of candy and flowers and balloons and stuffed toys. But my boyfriend wasn't happy, and just as he was screaming at me, I got woken up....

I have weird dreams. ^o^

Well, that was an interesting night XD.

People started coming over at 8:00, and stayed till around...midnight, I guess. Dani and Mark stayed till well after 4:00...Basically, when people where around, all we did was talk, listen to music, play card games, drink (I didn't booze up, no), and eat. After they left, me, Mark, my brother's friend, Dani, and Mike pulled out baby pictures and albums and looked through them...usually laughing our asses off at the rediculous ness. I laughed at my mother's inability to take centered photos. Then Mike's friend left.

Then me, Mike, Mark, and Dani listened to CDs and talked sitting at the dining room table...I learned a lot about Mark that I didn't know...That allthough he talks shit about his girlfriend, he really does love her (and doesn't know how to show it), and it really, really hurts his feelings when she's mean to him...

He also says that he'll either listen to mellow (sorta) bands like Weezer (he LOVES Weezer), or fast paced bands (Like his band). I heard him sing--no, scream--cause he brought over his band's demo tape. He said that his girlfriend says he sounds like "a little girl being raped by satan"...I have to agree with her o_o. He DOES sound like a girl. Sounds NOTHING like he really sounds like. Mark assured me that it's just him screaming. He writes all the lyrics for the band too...He says he hates most of the songs cause he wrote them when he was drunk, or he wrote them when he was pissed at his girlfriend...

Mark says he got upset once, and cut himself...That bothered me a bit.

What disturbed me the most, for some reason, was that he had this album with ballads on it. They wheren't regular ballads...They where ballads about murder O_o. For some reason, that really bothered me...There was a pretty song on there called Henry Lee, and it was about a woman killing her husband with a pen knife and then throwing him in a well.

Me and Mark talked a lot...He says he'll try and help me with the band, and that if I need help learning the guitar, he'll help me. I thought that was cool. Well, I better get goin...I might go over to Dave's later, or I might not, because I am completely whiped out. I need more sleep, but once I'm up, I'm awake.

Goth 35%

Trendy 15%

Alternative 30%


Conclusion: Angry *and* arrogant! What a combination. You have just enough knowledge of the world to really resent it properly.


Me? Arrogant? In a friggin past life, maybe. I don't exactly resent the world. I just think it's bullshit.

**yawns**I'm sleepy...If I'm not online today, it's cause I'm with my brudder(s). I wuv dem. You knew that, though.

Slowly but surely building up my playlist again. Went from 0 to 60 MP3s in one day (I had, like, 10 last night, but they where being stupid and I deleted them all. Silly me). Still building it up, and having trouble finding certain songs -_-. I can't find Better Than Ezra's "Under You", and I couldn't find Joydrop's "American Dream Girl" last night. I found it this morning though. Now I can't find a non remixed version of Better Than Ezra's "Normal Town" (which is about Boston, for those who don't know, LOL). I like that song, but I have trouble getting myself to like remixes...Especially since they're all techno now, and I hate techno, basically. I'm having some troubles finding the Björk and Thom Yorke collaboration ("I've Seen It All")... I'll find them. I have a little list of songs I need/want.

I saw *most* of Girl, Interrupted yesterday...Angelina Jolie is so fucking cool. Anyone remember that movie Clueless? Of course you do, it was all the rage for the preps-in-training when it came out. Remember that other girl? What was her name...? Anyways, in Clueless, the girl came in during the gym class and the other two girls gave her a makeover. I think that girl played Daisy in Girl, Interrupted. I'm almost positive. Poor Daisy... And then there was Polly. I dunno who played her, but that was really sad...I think she set herself on fire, or something, and she's really innocent and little girlish, but there's one part where she starts screaming cause she's ugly (cause her face is all scarred). It's really sad....Then Lisa (Angelina Jolie) and Suzanna (Winona Ryder) pull out a guitar and start singing to her, but they can't sing good...They make Polly feel better, LOL. I'll stop rambling now.

Ack, Trudy, you where in my dream last night! You came to my house, and me, my mom, and you where gonna go to Florida O_o. And Dave and Josh where in my basement doing something or other (I can't remember what...probly just hanging out with me), and I couldn't find any of my CDs or my clean clothes. So I was all upset cause I had nothing to listen to on the plane. And then there was all sorts of other weird shit going on O_o.

Anyways, I'm gonna shut up now and go download summore. Seeya'll later.

Well, Luke's working on NLDP Ver. 2.0... x_X Yay! I can't wait, tee-hee. Sooner or later the site will be up, and that will make me a happy kitty.
I really want to make a panda hat. Pandas are so cute. I could make it for the senior project (mine's fashion and design) but I'm not sure what to make it out of.

I need to draw something. *thinks* I worked a little bit on a Kaze-chan---Tru-chan piccer. It's okay. Kaze-chan's hair is coming out...sorta decent? The sketch features some Kimiki-style clothes...well, sorta. They look sorta like a variation on the clothes for the gothic Ribbon Fighter Kiss Doll she did. *can't think of its name* I've been working on some cute Sprites, and I hope to get more done. ^^ They're fun. I wanna make a Nuriko one, and a Yuuhi one, too. ^^ I woldn't mind doing a Utena one either...

I've really got to find a place to get more Utena episodes. Like, really really really really really bad. T_T

Finally, I'm back online X_x;. I didn't end up getting the new computer. The moniter wasn't compatible with it, so we're gonna stick with the old one for awhile. I'll be online tommorrow, for sure. I'm too lazy to plug in the zipdrive and deal with it tonight X_x. I gotta go redownload KaZaA and my short list of (50) Mp3s...

BTW, what was the freakiest of them all is when Utena lost the duel against Touga in episode 11. I was upset! Utena really does care for Anshii.. *sniff* I hope Anshii's just doing the will of Touga when she says she doesn't want to make friends and is happy being the rose bride... T_T

Kaze-chan, wow. X_X *can't beleive ya did that* That's just...scary! XD
These are the band names I like the bestest (They're all cool, though!)
-Vacant Mind
-This High
-Ubiquitous
-Juxtapose

^^ It's your choice in the end.
Nothign really interesting happened today. In fact, today was rather dull. I'm still tired, but hell...I got some coke. All I need now is some sunflower seeds and some yougurt and I'm set for life. ^_~.

Been watching Utena, I nearly DIED when Saionji got expelled. I don't really read info from Utena sites, so I didn't see it coming. Touga's a little more ruthless than I would have expected him to me. x_X I actually FELT SORRY for poor Saionji. He really DOES love Anshii.

I also finally got to borrow Volume two of Ayashi no Ceres; it's all good, but just a reminder to those who don't know:
VIZ'S TRANSLATIONS ARE GARBAGE.

Okay, now that that is said and done, and the fact that I absolutely HATE the dub, I say, buy fansubs. Much better.
^^

I just deleted, like, all of my MP3s. Went from around 400+ down to 49...I cleared a LOT of space on the computer, though, and now I can download more English songs...I've sorta lost interest in Japanese ones X_x. I even deleted all of my mucho rare YST ones...Ug, I'm out of my mind.

Fuck...As soon as I fucking finish my essay, I realize "Uh oh, maybe the printer still doesn't work..."

It doesn't work. So I gotta copy the whole damn thing into my notebook, and recopy it down on some white lined paper tommorrow during a study. I'm pissed.

You think I'd lie to you XP?

Well, I've been out all day with Gary Dave, and Josh came over for a little while. He's complely informed about the band, and COMPLETELY in with it (yay, this is so fun! We might actually have a band in a few years!)...but he doesn't like the name "The 6 Fake Penguins". So we started lookin for names. Some we got from MP3.com's band name generator, some we got from pulling out a dictionary and looking for words. Here's my list (and who thought them up):

1. Vacant Mind (Dave)
   
2. This High (Me)
   
3. Misfortunate Misfits (Dave)
   
4. Madfly (Me)
   
5. Cynical (Me)
   
6. Ubiquitous (Me)
   
7. Inconspicuous (Me)
   
8. Juxtapose (Me)
   

There...don't they suck X_x;;;?

Eh, I'm sorry Trudy...There is no freedom of speech, no matter what people say. As soon as you say something thoughtful and civil, people jump down your throat. **sighs** Don't let them change your opinions.

I'll be online in an hour or so...I gotta paper I have to write. I'll be around; I promise!

HE DOES LOOK LIKE TRENT!
Anyways! I had an exciting day, which included voicing my opinion to have some sympathy towards the Afghanistan, fully exploiting all the information I learned.
And what happened? Trudy got a lollipop stick thrown at her, and several spitballs. Trudy was pissed. But Trudy didn't say anything.
Trudy came home and hit the wall a couple of times, and then connected to the internet and finish watching Utena.
Trudy drew a Utena picture, which she likes.
Trudy hates people.
Trudy's friend Aaron gave her FOUR JOLLYRANCHER LOLLIPOPS!
Trudy hopes someone goes to the Catfish festival with her, because she doesn't want to go alone....

Quoteworthy
Counselor: Where do you hang out at lunch? Is it near those kids?
Trudy: I go somewhere they never EVER go. The library.

This is the first day we had Vader...So this is a couple years old. Most recent picture I could find ^_^;. Mark went up to the pound, found Vader, went against our mother's word ("No dogs in the house!!") and brought him home.

I'm usin my special playlist. Which shall always be used. It consists of 12 Better Than Ezra songs, 2 Björk songs, 1 Björk and Thom Yorke (he's from Radiohead) duet thingy, 2 Incubus songs, 6 Joydrop songs, 18 Our Lady Peace songs (LOL), and 3 Radiohead songs. Ain't that special. The list shall grow, I assure you...I just downloaded 2 more OLP songs (Story of 100 Aisles and Car Crash). Those are like, my favorite songs off that album (said album being Clumsy).

Well, I'm done babbling on...Oh, I shall list my songs cause I'm a DORK!

Allison Foley, At The Stars, Beautiful Mistake, Happy Endings, King Of New Orleans, Lifetime, Live Again, One More Murder, Particle, Rewind, Scared Are You, Under You, I've Seen It All, Human Behavior, Joga, I Miss You, Pardon Me, American Dream Girl, Breakdown, Cocoon, Dog Star Radio, Swan Song, Thick Skin, Are You Sad, Blister, Car Crash, Happiness & The Fish, If You Beleive, Imagine, Is Anybody Home, Julia (piano), Julia, Life, Lying Awake, Naveed, One Man Army, Out Of Here, Stealing Babies, Superman Is Dead, The Story Of 100 Aisles, Whatever, Fake Plastic Trees, How To Disapear Completely, Morning Bell...

There, that's it ^_^;. I'm a retard, really.

Funny!
NurikoLuver: Or lies. Like the bible.

Ph33r Th3 S4dn3ss 0f 4 S4d Ch1cK3n

I had a BAD day. The debate against Mr. Benet went well, as I suspected, although he still challenges me.

Well, I had to write my daily English Journal entry, and I was feeling sad while writing it. I got so mad all of a sudden and ripped the paper out of my notebook. And as if to mock me, the boy sitting next to me ripped his out too and then he and his friends started laughing at me. It was the last straw. I was sick of putting up with these people. So I walked up, crying to the front.

"Mr. Benet, can I goto the counselor?"
"Sure." He takes my agenda from me and signs his name. "What's the matter?"
"Oh nothing. People just being people." And then I leave.

Well, this ended up with an engaging hour long conversation with the school counselor, who seems to think I'm sort of prodigy because I'm an observer. x_X He said the way I talked was very educated and so were the observations I made. He agreed with me on every point I made....let's not get into that right now. I need to go grocery shopping.

Quoteworthy
For some reason, it's okay if a seventeen year old has a romatic relationship with a twenty-seven year old, but it's strange when a seventeen year old has a platonic relationship with a twenty-seven year old friend.
~Trudy about her platonic 27 year old friend Ian to the counselor

Dear Mrs. Thompson,
For some reason, I thought I would be able to put up with the people at my table. After all, I'm going to have to put up with these sort of ellitist people every day for the last of my life.
But I cannot take it! I cannot adapt to suit their needs!
Please change my seat ASAP.
Sincerely,
Trudy M. Haley,
The Disgruntled Amoeba
~the rough draft of Trudy's letter to Mrs. Thompson, asking to be moved away from the preps who ignore her and steal her answers

Ph33r mY Hu|\|g3r!

I really need some Cheese Potatoes, or Cheese Potatoes Au Grautin! They are so good, and I have the sudden urge to eat some!
Wow, we really didn't write in the journal today, did we Kaze-chan?

I'm tired as all heck and I can't sleep either.
Maybe I can say something interesting tomorrow.

Wow! Your dad let you?! That's great!

I hope ya get online tonite...I have a great idea for a story I want to tell you about...still need to come up with a name and all, but I think it's an original concept..
For now, adieu!

If I'm not online today, it's cause I'm watching Much Music ^_^;. Yes, Dad switched the Digital Cable packages, and now we have all thsoe music channels (Much Music, MTV2, stuff like that). Stupid stuff like Toon Disney got dropped, but other than that, we still have everything.

I'm entirely outta shape, and I had to do pushups in gym yesterday. Woke up this morning, and my fucking shoulders are KILLING me. They still hurt X_x. I'm just...achey.

The guitarist and that bassist from OLP will be on Much Music tonight at 5:30, so I gotta tape that. I allready have a blanktape ready to go XD. Anyways, just figured I'd let ya'll know what's going on...

I woke up this morning, and leaped over to my best friend, the computer.

Fortunatly for me, some strange girl spent the night here. Amusing, but pretty clueless. As I got on the computer, she asked...
"What are you doing?"
What the hell does it look like I'm doing?! Let's make an assumption that that loud screechy sound coming from Trudy's CPU ISN'T American Music, but is the dial-up connection...now, let's think...what do people do when they get on the internet? Instead, I sighed, as I was wiping the morning muck from my lips and eyes respectively. "I'm getting on the internet."
"Ohhhhh!" Obviously, she found this very insightful. She had never seen the internet before (No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding! ^^;)
"Do you have anything to eat?"
No, at my house we starve. And I take regular inventory of the little food we DO have to figure out the way we SHOULD conserve it...until everyone pigs out, and I find myself on the bed dying of starvation because no one woke me up to eat dinner, let alone saved me any dinner...wait, that was last night... "Err...yes. We have," I started, listing breakfast foods, "Honey Buns, the bottom of the Kix box, and some Fruit Loops."
She looked at me as though I was stupid. "I don't like any of that stuff."
"Well, we don't have anything else here for breakfast," I was getting annoyed. She probably wanted some sort of triple-sugar coated cearel. I could barely stand the stuff we had now; I prefered my Frosted Shredded Mini Wheats. But I wasn't complaining.
"Across the street [Trudy's note: Where my grandma/aunt/cousins live] they have Lucky Charms..." she hinted.
MY GOD! I WAS RIGHT! She wanted to eat breakfast and have her sugar increment for the day! Jeebuz Christe...! What normal human being eats marshmellows for breakfast?! "Well...perhaps you would like to ASK my aunt if you can have some..." I was getting very very agitated.
"Okay." she walked to the door.
As the door shut, I discovered some Apple Jacks in the cabinet. "We have Apple Jacks!" I said in a sing-song voice. Too late. She was gone. "She wouldn't have left if we had Frosted Shredded Mini Wheats!" I told my mom, as she had witnessed the entire event.

That's my life. Strange people come over that I don't know and then they leave. My life's weird. Old people were here the other day, and I was freaking out.
Atleast this one was a little younger than most of the weird people who show up here. I think she was Darci's friend, and not a total stranger...

Anyways, started reading Catcher in the Rye again and realized why it was my favorite book. Damn, I love that book. Read it if you haven't.

Revisions
When I can't figure out why I hate so many people, I speak in English Class any class the strange people who show up randomly remind me.
Don't trust anyone over thirty under fifty.

Trudy fell asleep at the computer for two hours somewhere between redialing up and getting connected; when her brother got home, he kicked her off, she went to sleep on the sofa for another three hours.

Trudy is tired still tired. (Just a little bit)

I also have primal tendencies to grab my hand whenever I have the sudden primitive urges to backhand someone...anyways...

Revisions
When I can't figure out why I hate so many people, I speak in English Class any class.
I never thought I'd meet a monkey retarded monkey who doesn't think for himself. Then I came to Hahnville High.
I'm My mom is going to kill my US history teacher. (I'm dead serious.)
Sleep Living is underated.
I love you chickens.

Kaze-chan, it's looking great!!

Wow, I really do need to get some sleep. I feel like I'm going to pass out...
Wait, someone defended me today. There is this boy nicknamed "Linda" who is the most fucking annoying person in the school. Well, running close with about 999 others (there's about 1500 people at my school). He told me something again, and this girl, Ashley Wallace, who is one of the few people I can associate with without the stronge sudden, primitive urge to backhand. Well, Linda was acting stupid, and she said, "Linda, shut the hell up, you've got a big head and you don't see anyone picking on you!" Right in front of the class when we were presenting.

I told him earlier in mid-class, in an unemotion, droid of a voice, "Shut up, Linda."

Very entertaining crap. I also have primal tendencies to laugh right in the middle of class. My thoughts amuse me so much...particularly when they're so devious, it would freak anyone else out. (Excluding Sasami, who has a tendency to encourage me. x_X;;)

I'm studying Maslow for my theory. Yes, my theory. I have a theory. My English teacher challenged me to come up with a peaceful solution to the so-called "War on Terrorism." It makes sense, but I'm not posting until I have more sufficient evidence. (Probably Sunday evening, as the challenge will occur on Monday.) Yes, I am doing this for fun.

Well, I'm reading a book called The Engima of Personality: Journey Through the Mind and Body for more of Maslow's principles, and somehow, I find myself reading the whole book! Psychology is so interesting! Not to mention, ensightful! I'm considering minioring in it now.

But for now, I'm tired, and trying to think. I think I've had too much Cocco today.

God dammit. Stupid FUCKING ASSHOLES on the goddamn bus. Everyone got HUGE spit balls hucked at them. And then they hucked them at Josh's ears (he has big ears.) Some kid from my Latin class said "Don't hit Andrea, she's awesome.". I know he was kidding, sorta, but it was cool...Notice how I'm not as...active in journal entries when I'm angry.

Haven't finished the Ri picture yet. I'll upload what I've done in a sec.

There..That's all I got so far. I might work on it later...I'm just... tired. My arms hurt.

I'm colorin it now. If I work at it, it'll be done by tommorrow. Maybe.

Damn, I'm fucking tired.

I tried going to sleep, but I ended up watching Rushmore again. Yeah, that's the name of the movie I mentioned the other day...

Anyways, I forgot to mention earlier, that Sasami insisted on me getting yellow posterboard. ^^;; She's helped me get back into the writing mood with a new idea, which I'll have to transpose to Jessi if she ever e-mails me again. -_-;; It's actually a really good idea, and I feel like writing it down. However, as good as it is to me, it's probably just as disturbing to everyone else in the world. Especially since it's a story written by a minor.

Well, I'll shut up now.

Hmmm..
My pants kept falling off. I had to keep grabbing them. They were a little big already, but I think I lost some weight. ^^;; And I had to constantly grab at them because I wore the shirt that got shrunk in the wash. So in other words, I looked like one of those people with the singing bellybuttons. My pants were way off my waist and my shirt was a little short (not that short, though...)

Yes, it's all thanks to the Trudy sunflower seed-and-coke diet. I sweat, that's all I ever eat anymore. Occassionaly, when mom gives me money.. (It's been two weeks since I made a big trip to the market), I can get decent food. But usually I save up my lunch money and buy the sunflower seeds and coke. XD Because mom never gets coke anymore. -_-;;

Quoteworthy
Trudy: *in a discussion with her English teacher about the school* I never thought I'd meet a monkey personally, and then I came to Hanville.
Mr. Binet: Monkey?

Yes, that was hilarious. I think I managed to confuse him with my definition of a monkey.
But I digress.

FUCK THE MOTHER FUCKING SCHOOL SERVERS WERE FUCKING SCREWED UP TODAY AND I COULDN'T GET FUCKING ONLINE AND FUCKING PRINT OUT THE FUCKING STUFF I NEEDED TO FUCKING PRINT FOR FUCKING SCHOOL FOR FUCKING TOMORROW FOR THE FUCKING POSTER I'M FUCKING WORKING ON TONITE! MAN, FUCK! I GOTTA FUCKING FIND A FUCKING PLACE TO FUCKING PRINT THIS FUCKING SHIT!

Long day. I'm fucking tired.

Trudy wakes up. Trudy gets dressed. Trudy checks to see if anyone sent her any more junk mail since she deleted it all last night.
Hmmm...interesting life, nee? I wish I had an e-mail. But I'm so fucking tired, I don't even know what I'm doing~
And somewhere in there, I checked out MegaTokyo for the newest strip. ^^;; Gotta love MegaTokyo; I really understand Yuki-chan in that comic. Kimiko's okay, I guess...But I really like Yuki-chan.

Trudy continues to laugh in the face of humanity. I forgot to say this, yesterday, but, there is this girl Jenna, who is graduating from High School this year earlier. She's okay, meaning she doesn't beat me down or shove me out of seats. Well, Jenna's sorta...snobbish? Is that the word I'm looking for?
Anyways, she says, "I'm graduating from high school at the age of seventeen."
"Wow, me too!" I say, with my sarcastic excitement no one can seem to pick up. (Yes, I really am.)
"Are you really?" she eyes me suspiciously.
Yeah, I'd lie over something so stupid so I add another person to the "I hate Trudy" list...Please.. "Um, yes..."
"Oh. I see."

That's my life, I tell you.
Now I gotta print out a shitload of crap today. I'll have fun! It will be great. *rolls eyes* I'm so sick of having to do all this crap at school. I mean, it's not like I have friends, but it's also something else to have restricted drawing (and more importantly, sleeping) time. I'm so fucking tired, I'm ready to fucking pass out as soon as I wake up and as soong as I get home.
And then the cat jumps on me. Or the poster I finished today. And wakes me up. Logical, nee?

Watched a bit of a movie on Comedy Central, which ended up being really good! I only wish I could remember the name, it came on right before South Park and was about a kid who fell in love with his teacher...well, that was a sub-plot..

Really good movie; if I knew the movie name, I'd reccomend it. I only know the kid from Dennis the Menace and Bill Murray were on it. ^^;; I really don't know the names of many actors/actresses. But then again, I never really watch any movies.

Wow, I'm just really really thirsty. I could go for a 20 oz coke right now. I did all of my work in record time. I'll have more to do tomorrow, but atleast I got a majority of it done, so I have nothing to worry about. ^^;; And I did my current events early for this week, too. *beams with pride* And wrote my success essay. After I get it fixed, I'm going to post it here, because somehow my ten minutes of work ended up amazing the three people I asked to proofread it for me. ^^;; Really, my stuff ISN'T that great.

I've been wondering where Kaze-chan is. Maybe she took a nap, the way I should have taken a nap but couldn't, because the cat kept jumping on me.

I really have to update the site, but with homework and all, I'm not going to have time until this weekend. I'm considering *trying* to finish FY Chapter One, but that will be very unlikely. I have barely written a paragraph of anything at all this week (well, that story.) I really need some motivation, and I also have to find a decent server (since freediskspace.com isn't up anymore...) that will allow me to upload MP3's bigger than 5 megs (I usually use Yahoo! Briefcase, but I have a few good songs over five megs I really need/want to upload....Maybe then, I'll get the FY Fanfiction site up. Remember, I have no life, either.

Damnit, I'm tired. I really should goto bed in a few minutes.

Finished that picture of me in Suu's clothes. I wrapped on a couple of bandages, put on some bruises and some scars, and finished it up. Amazing. Please applaud me for my hard work.

Anyways, I had a crap ass day. Unlike most teachers who understood that I was sick for a 4-and-a-half-days (missing 18 classes total), this son-of-a-bitch US History teacher (who I need to hire someone to shoot her) has given me an F for missing a week of excused absences, and making up only half of my work. Not to mention, she didn't give me my notes, and she told me I had to take my test today. TODAY! WITHOUT EVEN HAVING THE FUCKING NOTES FROM LAST WEEK.

Okay, all my other classes were leanant. The teachers said, "Just do this, and I'll give you credit for the week." And it was pretty easy to make up. I've already made up most of it. And they completely know that I was sick.

Now, let's look at the rest of Trudy's grades...
Hmmmm a 100 in Journalism and a 98 in English? Well, excluding the fact that Trudy is good in English and also is good friends with the teacher. Maybe that's an excuse for her good grade?
But wait! A 98 in Science! And Earth Science at that!! Trudy totally sucks at science! It's hell!
And also, a 98 in Consumer and Family Sciences. Not only does that class include sewing, but also cutting! And Trudy is not a neat person!
88's in Civics and Economics?! God, forgive Trudy for not doing any of her current events and hurridly turning them in late this week. Please forgive Trudy for her stupidity!
Egads!! Another 88 in Trudy's Math class! She needs to be shot! She does so poorly in her studies!

And then, a 50-something in history.
Is someone else seeing something wrong?

Well, maybe Trudy's just stupid in History.
No, because she's in Civics AND Economics, both history-esque classes, and she managed to make B's in both...but...
I'm so confused!
What the hell?

Is anyone else thinking this is unfair? E-mail Me. Although I know no one will.
I was particularly pissed off at progress reports, and also at the people in the bus. Two nice people in that fucking bus. And I have tons of shit to do still. Gotta finish my Economics project, write that fucking English essay, and color that fucking poster. Not to mention she still has to make up shit for American history. (50 questions and answers and poster...not to mention another essay.)
Well I was pissed. Put some cheesesticks in the oven (I don't eat breakfast...or lunch) and then sat down and listened to Cocco's Count Down for about half an hour before punching the wall. Please click that link. Count Down's lyrics are quite interesting. In fact, I think they are the most violent J-rock lyrics I've heard yet.Not to mention the song is a great song.
Well, I'm working on the fucking project and bitching about the fucking printer not working.
So it seems like a normal day.

I've actually been drawing at a regular basis lately...Isn't it weird? Who'da though it. I thought I got outta the swing of things as far as drawing goes...But, yeh, I've drawn **counts**...A pic of Rinoa, a pic of Maya, a pic of Leyla, and a pic of Jada, and some other little things and comic strip pages for the comic I'm doing that has me and Ashley in it...

AHHHHHHH!! **fangirly squeal** Parental units say we might be able to get Much Music! EEEEE! MY OLP FIX, SORTA!! Ashley has it... Digital Cable offers it, but we dun have it yet. We might trade a movie channel for it, or something. I think you can do that. I'd trade MTV for it, LOL.

Eh, what else is there to say...No homework tonight...Mark's been drinking my precious orange soda ;_;. There's only 6 cans, I allready had 3. So there should be 3 left. There's not, there's only 1 left ;_;. I know this is something crazy to get upset over, but I'm only allowed one can a day, and...I love orange soda ;_;. It's my comfort drink, LOL.

Oh, Mike Turner (OLP's guitarist) finally made a comment on the Clumsy Congress message board about the terrorist attacks. Here's what he said:

"I'm sorry not to have responded to this tragedy sooner, but I feel at a loss for words. If I had the words to say that would offer the comfort needed now, I would say them. I feel anything I can say is small comfort and if there is any chance we can make sense of this, I hope it becomes clear soon.

The events of the 11th will never make sense, I only hope that our respose to them does. There is never a right time for revenge, only responsibility. The people who committed this act must be held accountable, not the religion they believe in or the race to whom they belong. We are all of one people, and I think that the best has been brought out in many so let us dwell on that fact rather than stare into the abyss.

Our hopes are with all of those suffering through this tragedy, the hope that they will get through whatever this has brought them. Our sympathies are with those that have sufferred loss and we share the joy and relief of those that escaped loss. All of mankind has been diminished by this act.
During our career we have been lucky enough to get to know New York very well. The city, and indeed the world, will never be the same and for this loss we mourn, but if there is one place on earth that can survive this, it is New York.

Please try to keep a sense of balance during this time of trial, the balance between anger and reason. The anger is real and justified but keeping a sense of reason will be the testament to our generation. We must hold on to a belief that good will still prevail. Not a good based on politics or religion, but the good of all humanity. Let those you love know you love them and above all, keep caring about one another.

Mike, Raine, Duncan, Jeremy, and Jamie"

Ugh, that's so true it hurts...Too bad nobody listens. Everyone's too busy being angry and screaming "Nuke them! Kill them all for attacking a country!". That's what it is. America is ONE COUNTRY OF MANY. If they attacked, say...Another country somewhere else, LOL, nobody would care. I know, America cares cause they attacked us...But, people are people. Does anyone understand what I'm saying? Why do I doubt it -_-. What I'm trying to say is, people need to calm their asses down and think.

OLP's suposed to be releasing a new album in February...Here's what Jeremy (the drummer) said about it:

They hope to release the live cd at the same time as the major release (possibly a double CD?)

They appreciate all that Arnold Lanni [their producer since before Naveed came out] has done, but want to try other producers. Jeremy mentioned that 3 different producers may be used, we believe he mentioned the producers from The Flaming Lips, Aerosmith and Vancouver's own Bob Rock, who has produced such acts as Metallica.

They are considering new sounds such as strings.

Wow...that'd be REALLY cool if they did strings, LOL. Lots of really cool songs have violins in em, and they're real pretty...Anyways, I'm done rambling...
they are considering new sounds such as strings.

I was sooo tired today.

I went straight to bed when I got back from school, and almost unbeleivably to me, after John tried waking me up for thirty minutes, and I started screaming at him, he made DINNER. OMG! Everyone, please applaud my brother's valiant efforts. The noodles may have been sorta hard and stuck to the bottom of the pan, but if you know my brother, he cookes once every ten years, and that's a sandwhich. He made dinner very well, considering who he is. XD

Kaze, haven't seen you online, but the picture is GREAT! I tried fooling around on Oekaki yesterday, and I discovered two things:
I can't do it x_X
And I need a wacom. x_X

Well, seems like there's another song that was stuck in my head today... Hansei no Uta (Song of Reflection) by Something Else. It's a great song, I'm probably going to upload it to Yahoo! briefcase. The words are so honest. x_X And so beautiful. They mean a lot, I played this song this morning when I was getting ready for school, and I had it stuck in my head. It perfectly fits one scene in Chapter One of my Fushigi Yuugi fanfictoin so perfectly, it scares me. x_X I haven't been able to write at all, but I can't seem to stop drawing. After joking with Kaze about cosplaying in Japan, I started drawing myself in Suu's outfit from CLAMP's Clover. Such a beautiful story, the manga I have makes me cry... T_T I need to find the first manga book, it was sold out on my birthday. So far it's coming out really good (I have the wings and the upper torse, with some of the bottom sketched out.. x_X Her costume is hard to draw...It looks good...I need to draw the hand, and I don't know how I'm going to draw it. x_X I was going to draw some crazy Japanese people in the BG looking at me with O.o because I was actually going to draw myself with a wacky expresion, like that of a crazed crossplayer, but instead, it appears very serious, and sorta sad. So I decided against that. I'll probably finish it tomorrow.

This morning, I was actually really sad. Not only was it a "B" day (the worst possible schedule...), but it was also a Monday. Someone, shoot me now, and put me out of my misery. I was already feeling pretty glum, because, after transferring schools, the one thing I missed was my friends (who have not called once since I left UA). Me and Mary would meet each other at our classes and exchange notes, and then we'd eat lunch together, goofing off all the way. Now...I can get sad, I don't have to smile, and it won't matter to anyone.

I'm not sure what I was thinking this morning. I walked through the halls with tears staining mu cheeks. No one stopped me. No one bothered to care. Why care for someone you don't know?

I got to Science, and laid my head on the desk and thought, trying to ignore the weird looks I was getting from the rest of my classmates.
For me, it's not good to think.I tend to write stories out of my thoughts, stories that will never be written, but if WERE, would be some of the best things I've ever written. It's just the process can't transfer from my head ot paper...

Which started with the Trudy-Suu picture to cheer me up... x_X
I dunno, I'm strange. I should stop crying. I dunno, I cry for the people in NYC, I cry for myself, I cry over everything lately. x_X I'm so annoying. -_-;; It's no wonder I don't haee any friends...I guess I'm high-maintinence..

Drew this on Sumeragi Oekaki earlier...It's allright. Rinoa gets a bit of a look change...I kinda like her with short hair better; it's easier to draw, for me. I've done better pictures...Then I took out all the colors and recolored it and stuff...I've decided to change my fanfiction. No longer will it be a Ronin Warriors fanfiction O_o. It'll just be a story drama thing. Yesh. And instead of being in Japan, they're in America...Lots of stuff. I'll start writing next week, maybe.

I took a 2 (3?) hour nap today...I'm suprised at myself. That's the longest afternoon nap I've ever taken. Seriously. I wasn't even big on naps when I was little...I was gonna take a shower after a show I was watching (at around 1:00), but then I got sleepy and fell asleep on the couch...Woke up, fell asleep...Woke up at around 4:00. So, 3 hours I guess...

I gotta do homework now, then take a shower....Mike's girlfriend is suposed to be coming over later, but...I dunno exactly when. I really wanna see her.

Wow, such a beautiful song...

I didn't really like it the first time I saw it...Maybe because I was too busy watching the assumed sex-scenes between Aya and the mysterious man who saved her life. ^_~. If anyone cares, it's Scarlet from Ayashi no Ceres, another er...great series by Yuu Watase. Lately, because of AudioGalaxy, I'm able to get some spiffy new MP3's... (Otherwise, I couldn't afford most of the songs I download...they are REALLY expensive. I bought a SM CD for 25.00 dollars, and my friend bought her Hisakawa Aya CD (Which I ripped x_X) for about 20.00 plus shipping and handling. x_X Why is everything so expensive?!

I wonder if Napster will ever re-open. Kaze-chan and I met on Napster...And now it's gone... T_T It's like if you and a friend met at a cafe, and then that cafe got bulldozed. Poor Napster, Rest in Peace... T_T
I just can't bear to delete it from the hard drive... T_T

I've had time to think for awhile...I think I'm feeling better now...
Just been listening to Something Else's Hansei no Uta and talking about Nuriko and Tasuki with my bud...

Why do pre-teens and little kids have the same mindset? That they can lie to you and you won't catch it? Even when it's so obvious???

Maybe it's just the people I know. x_X I really don't know many people.

I watched Fushigi Yuugi OAV 2 Volume Two...Ryouko couldn't let go of his brother (Nuriko/Ryunnen) after he died...because he died in the mountains, and was buried there, he couldn't let go. Ryouko said that if he could hold his brother's body one last time, he could mourn and grieve all that he needed to. But because he couldn't see him one last time...it made him blame the Suzaku...But most of all, he couldn't forgive himself for not being a big brother to Nuriko...Nuriko was always protecting Ryouko when they were little, because Ryouko was a crybaby and was always getting picked on... (T_T) And he never had a chance to be a big brother to Nuriko...

Losing his younger brother and sister was really hard on Ryouko...

That tape was depressing...but it got me thinking...

I worry for those in NYC and DC...maybe they will have the same problem as Ryouko did..

Sometimes books are truer than real life...

Anyways, I finished downloading some songs from 08th MS Gundam, which I only saw two episodes of, but think it's better than any of the Gundam series I've seen. (I don't watch Toonami anymore. x_X So I don't know how I got to watching this on Toonami...I want the subs...it's good!) There's a beautiful song called Ten Years After, which is the ending song...I happened to find it at The Fanboy's Lyric Site. If you're curious, here's the Review and Explanation and the Lyrics. I've had a similar experience as the girl in the story; When I was thirteen, I was in love with a boy named James, who was five years older than me. It's not as big of a difference in age, but I ended up learning something...:


NEVER EVER GO OUT WITH ANYONE THAT IS MORE THAN THREE YEARS OLDER THAN YOU.

I learned that the hard way.

For some reason, it seems that the picture isn't loading? Perhaps Sole-Pi's server is down; mine has been down for awhile now.

I've basically slept my entire day away...I'm so tired... *yawns* I'm listening to Skoop on Somebody's Still, which is a beautiful song, but seems to produce a sort of sad imagery in my head...It's strange how music can totally effect your mood...How one song can make you feel like crying, or one song can totally boost my mood from feeling crushed to feeling okay. (Like when The Brilliant Green's Ai no Ai no Hoshi starts playing..)

I had a dream last night I was working at some mall and we got bombed. It wasn't really portrayed as a "bad dream" or a "nightmare", because I remember helping people get out of the mall...there was also a side-story in which I saved a "noble" who fell in love with me. (I tend to have the strangest dreams...) Maybe the constant media coverage (which has slowly delapilated over the week..) It's somewhat depressing.

J-pop star Utada Hikaru (I'm listening to her song Time Will Tell right now, which eerily fits my mood right now...even the lyrics) was born in NYC, and I was wondering if she's going to do some sort of fundraiser of some sort. (It would be great if she came to the US and did benefit concerts...)

I think what I've been listening to the most is classical music. Mostly stuff by Vanessa Mae and the beautiful songs from the Escaflowne OST (right now I'm listening to Gloria, which is so beautiful...) I don't know why people attach the social standing "geek" to any teenager that listens to classical music. Personally, I hate most American music (although there's some that I can stand...) and I like SOME Canadian music (Like OLP). But it seems the messages in American songs have slowly, over time, lost meaning. Turn on the radio and you'll hear a message about bitches, pimp daddies, and platinum gold. You no longer hear messages like in the J-pop/rock songs I so adore...

I have to goto the grocery store...sayonara.

This was the picture Kaze-chan and I were talking about yesterday. It was sent to me by my friend Baran, and he seems to be the first one to notice it. He gave me permission to post it here. ^_^;;
My server is down (well, it will let me upload, but nothing will show up... -_-;;) so it's direct-linked from my friend Sole-pi's server. ^^; Thanks for all the help!

Now, I agree with that one opposing woman in Congress. Perhaps this will help those of you who want to extract revenge understand it.
Bombings lead to destruction and loss of life.
(Did the "bombings" not cause much destruction and loss of life?)
Destruction and loss of life lead to anger.
(Are we not angry???)
Anger leads to more bombings.
(LOOK What we're doing NOW! We all want revenge!)
It's a circle that won't end! -_-;;

Also, I'm not proud to be an American right now. America is known for our freedom-- the fact we do not persecute people for their religion, race, beleifs. And look what Americans are doing! And there are telemarketers claiming to give help to victims who are actually taking the money for themselves! People are thinking irrationally, they're thinking uncivilized! How can I be proud of a country of Arab-hating money-stealing irrationals?! How can I be proud that our country is out of control?! How can I be proud to be in a country of hypocrites?

I still do not know. Maybe after this is all over, I MIGHT be proud to be an American.
But right now, I'm quite content being a person who lives in America.

Part of an oh-so-interesting conversation Kaze-chan and I had about the past couple of days...

NurikoLuver: So I said I was upset about everything this week (which is, among things, the bombing, hearing all the stories while I was sick, being sick, and being sad and worried)
Kazenamida: And he won't leave me alone
NurikoLuver: Awwww.. *hugs*
Kazenamida: As...physically sick the attack made me, I'm not scared
NurikoLuver: And they never got me a tissue. -__-;; THey could have made themselves much more useful than gathering a crowd around me and talking about everything
NurikoLuver: And making me feel more upset.
NurikoLuver: *had to get a tissue herself and listen to these people talk about all the stuff, and they didn't know as much as she did*
Kazenamida: We don't talk about it much...All there is, basically, is Arab bashing
NurikoLuver: I knew a lot more, because I was sick in bed
NurikoLuver: And I watched it non-stop.
Kazenamida: **thinks Arab bashing is unfair** There are innocent Arabs here. That have nothing to do with the terrorism, ya know?
Kazenamida: Arab taxi drivers are getting the shit beaten out of them, and a gas station run by Arabs was almost blown up
Kazenamida: (A cigarrette was thrown at the gas tanks)
Kazenamida: My dad knows those Arabs at the gas station...They didn't even do anything, and the owner, I think, is more American than Arab.
Kazenamida: **sigh** I'm trying much to hard to stay completely neutral
NurikoLuver: I know! *thinks the same of you*
NurikoLuver: And all of these guys and some of the girls at my school are stupid!
NurikoLuver: They all just want to "nuke'em!"
Kazenamida: Exactly...
NurikoLuver: And it makes no sense, it makes me so angry!
NurikoLuver: *wrote about it in her blog before it timed out and pissed her off*
Kazenamida: But they don't know that there's been terrorism in Iraq for ten years now...
NurikoLuver: I know!
NurikoLuver: No one cared about the terrorism until it came here
NurikoLuver: That pisses me off, too
Kazenamida: I mean, I know this sounds traitor-ish, but...
NurikoLuver: Until the US loses some of its own people, they don't want to do anything
NurikoLuver: Just like in WWII
Kazenamida: Sometimes we deserve what we get...
NurikoLuver: We weren't going to get into a war until we lost our own
NurikoLuver: *agrees completely*
Kazenamida: I'm tired of hearing "We won't take this lightly!"
Kazenamida: I wanna hear "Let's find out exactly what happened and why."
NurikoLuver: We should learn to listen; if we would have listened to them instead of acting like eletists."
Kazenamida: Though, America has been very generous....
NurikoLuver: *nods* YES!
NurikoLuver: *elitists
Kazenamida: Seriously, we send out mercenaries and help people win wars
NurikoLuver: We act like America's so great and powerful and awesome that we never take the time to listen to people so things like this WOULDN'T have to happen.
Kazenamida: We give other countries money...
NurikoLuver: *nods dubiously*
Kazenamida: We do all these things, but...The other countries don't think America is deserving enough for payback. Like, we don't always make dountries pay their debts
Kazenamida: We helped France lots o'
Kazenamida: times...
Kazenamida: And they make fun of us constantly
Kazenamida: You know what's weird?
Kazenamida: America is allies with Germany
NurikoLuver: I know..
NurikoLuver: We have lots of allies...
Kazenamida: It's like "Whoa, where did that come from?!"
NurikoLuver: Someone pointed out to me today...
NurikoLuver: That people, that other contries always say they'll stand by us-- and in the end, don't.
Kazenamida: Exactly
NurikoLuver: She cited examples, I can't remember, but...
NurikoLuver: I have a feeling, if we get into war, it will be America vs. Terrorism
Kazenamida: Take Canada for example. We're allies, but Canadians and Americans CONSTANTLY make fun of each other
NurikoLuver: *makes mental note to cut that out*
NurikoLuver: I know!
Kazenamida: But right now, Canada is helping us...
NurikoLuver: "Blame Canada" won an emmy
Kazenamida: And we have their sympathy...
NurikoLuver: America is suddenly becoming patriotic and "uniting"
Kazenamida: I like Canada o_o;
NurikoLuver: But shouldn't we have this constantly?
Kazenamida: No kiddin...
NurikoLuver: Shouldn't we always want to help one another?
Kazenamida: Right
NurikoLuver: Shouldn't we always be united?
NurikoLuver: Suddenly, the hypocrites of the US feel a little guilty, and a little afraid
Kazenamida: And then, you NEVER hear of American kamikaze pilots
Kazenamida: So obviously Americans aren't willing enough to commit suicide to win
NurikoLuver: If there is a war, and they are damned to hell, they feel they'll be able to say, "Hell, I donated a hundred dollars to help the people in New York."
Kazenamida: Like the terrorists...
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement*
NurikoLuver: The terrorists, right now, appear they'll do anything to win
NurikoLuver: Americans have their limits.
Kazenamida: We won't kill innocents, but people do it all the time anyways
Kazenamida: Right...
NurikoLuver: Innocents? People at my school are saying, "Nuke em!"
Kazenamida: But there's time for limits, and there's times to pull out all the stops
Kazenamida: I know
NurikoLuver: They don't care who they kill, as long as they kill SOMEONE
NurikoLuver: As long as they can extract revenge!
Kazenamida: People are throwing lighted cigarrettes at innocent Arabs...
Kazenamida: Or, their gas tanks
NurikoLuver: And that's exactly NOT what we need. We'd be hypocrites if we did that
Kazenamida: Which would in turn kill them
NurikoLuver: It isn't fair that these Arabs are being punished!
Kazenamida: Right!
NurikoLuver: And it's all the adults-- yes, there are some kids, but they are looking to their parents for examples!
NurikoLuver: Don't these people realize this is SERIOUS?!
NurikoLuver: Don't they realize that this is going to be in the history books: Americans tried to Light Arabs on Fire?!
Kazenamida: Raine, from OLP, says kids need to be talked to about the terrorist attacks the most..because most of us have been raised by TV, Video Games, and Movies.
NurikoLuver: They're so STUPID! They're irrational! AMERICANS NEED TO LEARN TO THINK!
NurikoLuver: Parents don't want to explain anything to us, yet they want to protect us.
Kazenamida: He's right. But I wasn't raised that way...I was smart enough to know what was real and what wasn't...
NurikoLuver: I wrote something after I cried-- let me get it.
Kazenamida: Exactly **nods about irrational americans**
NurikoLuver: "The adults who wished for a war to start to extract revenge- the seven out of ten of them- are probably the same people who insist on protecting us from the truth; We're nearly adults now, we no longer need to be protected or MISEDUCATED."
Kazenamida: **raises hand** I agree
NurikoLuver: That's from the page and a half I wrote during Journalism when I was upset. The only line that almost made sense.
Kazenamida: I may only be 14, but I actually think I'm pretty intelligent ^_^;;;
Kazenamida: And, I can't quite explain it....
NurikoLuver: Jefferson parish public schools cancelled school on Wednesday because of fights at the school.
Kazenamida: O_o
NurikoLuver: My mom told me about it, she works at Jefferson Parish
Kazenamida: *doesn't wanna seem snobby by saying she's intelligent**
NurikoLuver: Some of the Arabs supposedly gloated, "Stupid Americans got everything they deserved!" And so after school, some blacks and whites grabbed the kids and beat the shit out of them
NurikoLuver: I think you're intelligent...
NurikoLuver: It's strange, we're uniting to fight... -_-;;
NurikoLuver: At all the schools I've been to, there's been an unofficial segregation.
Kazenamida: I just think that given the fact that all I do is watch TV and play video games, and I still know the difference between what's real and what isn't...
Kazenamida: Wow...
NurikoLuver: Blacks and Whites hardly ever sit together, let alone unite...
NurikoLuver: *nods* I think I have a good sense of morality, which is more than what most Americans can say.
Kazenamida: Although Arabs may feel they've won, they have no reason to gloat over the death of thousands of people
Kazenamida: Americans don't do it
Kazenamida: Or, most don't
Kazenamida: Kids do. I don't
Kazenamida: Because I'm not like them; I don't think with my ass
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement* I think we're unlike most people..
NurikoLuver: We're unique, we're different.
Kazenamida: Yeh...
NurikoLuver: We may be upset, but we don't let rage rule our inhibitions...
Kazenamida: We try to stay completely neutral. Or, I do ^_^;
Kazenamida: Right
NurikoLuver: We still think with our mind
Kazenamida: And I'm not scared...
NurikoLuver: I'm scared. *is scared*
Kazenamida: I know...
Kazenamida: I dunno why I'm not
NurikoLuver: One of the things that made me really upset today...
Kazenamida: I should be
NurikoLuver: Was that if a war was started-- this will ruin everyone's future
NurikoLuver: If it's a long war, especially.
NurikoLuver: Guys who goto war will be really messed up psychologically. If it's a long war, people may not want to have children in fear that their kids will be drafted.
Kazenamida: What bothers me most that if you publicly voice your opinions about staying neutral and how America isn't always saintly, people jump down your throat ready to kill you
NurikoLuver: If it's like in WWII, where women controlled everything, they did everything while the men were gone-- we can't do that for long
Kazenamida: Yeh...If Mike gets drafted...
Kazenamida: I'll kidnap him and move to Canada
Kazenamida: Or, I'll die
NurikoLuver: There is a limits to what women can do...the same with men...
Kazenamida: Right
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement* I don't want my brother getting drafted...
NurikoLuver: You could always have him commit a minor crime
NurikoLuver: They don't make criminals goto war..
Kazenamida: If you move to Canada, you don't have to get drafted
Kazenamida: Seriously
Kazenamida: That's what my parents said
NurikoLuver: Some people in 'Nam would say that it was against their religion.
NurikoLuver: You know what makes me so angry?! My mom seems so insensitive to my feelings about the issue.
NurikoLuver: Even my adult figures-- my aunt and my mom, want to "Nuke em!"
NurikoLuver: Why does everyone want to fucking "nuke em"?!
Kazenamida: I don't...
NurikoLuver: Why can't they THINK for a minute?! BE RATIONAL!
NurikoLuver: Or has it come to two people left in the world with reason? *looks at you and looks at herself*
Kazenamida: I know...If we nuke them, we're no better than the terrorists
Kazenamida: LOL, I think it has
NurikoLuver: I know! People can't realize this! Do I have to write it on my butt and flash it to the world from a helicopter? "BE RATIONAL!"
Kazenamida: I don't even wanna know what Ashley's parents think
NurikoLuver: What does Ashley think?
Kazenamida: They're probly saying "DESTROY EVERYONE BUT THE AMERICANS!"
Kazenamida: She probly wants to nuke them
Kazenamida: I don't know
Kazenamida: My friends do, too
Kazenamida: And my dad does
NurikoLuver: LOL
Kazenamida: All he wants is maps of the Middle East
NurikoLuver: It's everyone! It's a conspiracy against us!
Kazenamida: And he wants an American flag
NurikoLuver: What does your mom think?
NurikoLuver: -_-;;
Kazenamida: I dunno what mom thinks...
NurikoLuver: We can't just take over their land! We're saying that they're being primitive and irrational! Look at us! We want to control these people!! Why can't we simply discuss this like the rational, "modern" beings we are?
NurikoLuver: I'm sure they have their own reason for hating us
Kazenamida: Oh, the dancing palestinian clips? Thos are from '91
Kazenamida: Why can't we discuss this like human beings period?
NurikoLuver: And we can't blame ourselves for the way they were raised...if you grow up hvaing your parents tell you something, you're going to beleive it.
NurikoLuver: They were brought up to hate us.
NurikoLuver: x_X The whole candy-giving-out peace-sign thing is from 91?!
NurikoLuver: Why are they showing it and implying that it happened on Tuesday?
Kazenamida: I think so
Kazenamida: Yep
Kazenamida: So everyone hates Palestine for dancing and cheering in '91
NurikoLuver: Jeez, this is what the world has come to.
NurikoLuver: I know!
Kazenamida: It's all about a story
NurikoLuver: Everyone probably hates them the most because of that
NurikoLuver: I think this would make an interesting story.
Kazenamida: They're feeding us false facts, I know that much
NurikoLuver: *nods* It's a conspiracy! They don't want us to know the truth! ^_~.
Kazenamida: The survivors? Fire fighters who fell in holes and got found
NurikoLuver: I think if we could find some friends of the terrorists..
Kazenamida: The death toll keeps flucuating
NurikoLuver: I think the story would be more interesting from the perspective of the "bad guys".
NurikoLuver: Because then, maybe, they wouldn't seem so "bad".
NurikoLuver: They've been lots of movies where you've seen from the "bad" guy's POV...and sympathized with them, and why they did what they did.
Kazenamida: That's what I said...We may say their cowardly, but where they are, they're heroes
NurikoLuver: Maybe that's what we need.
Kazenamida: They thought they where doing the right thing
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement*
NurikoLuver: Because that's the way they were brought up!
Kazenamida: We'd think the same
NurikoLuver: And yet we cannot forgive them!
NurikoLuver: It's "revenge!" and "Nuke 'em!"
Kazenamida: It's just like Religion. Have different views and you're condemned to death
NurikoLuver: *had to interview people today for the school newspaper on their opinion about this, so she keeps hearing it over and over again in her head*
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement* YES!
Kazenamida: ^_^;
Kazenamida: BRB, I'm going to double layer my socks, cause my feet 're cold
NurikoLuver: Okay. ^_^
NurikoLuver: One of the editors of mrcranky.com said this: "America, to put it bluntly, is a basically a collective badass. The kind of country that, even when some ass-weasel sneaks up and clobbers her from behind with a lead pipe, stands back up. Spits out a bloody tooth. Rolls up her sleeves and shows everybody what she's made of." What do you think of it? *likes listening to your opinion*
Kazenamida: Back
NurikoLuver: Kaze-chan, someone's going to IM you with a picture
NurikoLuver: Just accept it. O.o;;
NurikoLuver: *saw it and is totally freaked*
Kazenamida: Aww crap, they messaged me and I Xed it out X_x
Kazenamida: What was it?
Kazenamida: Tell them to message me again, err somethin
NurikoLuver: I'm not supposed to show anyone. x_X
Kazenamida: Why, what is it?
NurikoLuver: x_X I cannot say... x_X
NurikoLuver: You'll see... *is seriously freaked* I don't want to send it, because he asked me not to.
NurikoLuver: He noticed it first. I don't know how he noticed it. X_X
Kazenamida: **waits**
NurikoLuver: What do you think of that quote?
Kazenamida: They're right...
NurikoLuver: It's true. But it's only when America's ass is in trouble.
Kazenamida: America doesn't take being kicked in the balls lightly
NurikoLuver: LOL XD
NurikoLuver: All of America's ready to "nuke 'em". -_-;; But then again, we've lost all rationality. Maybe all guys lose rationality once they've been kicked in the balls?
NurikoLuver: *wouldn't know, and thinks about asking a boy tomorrow*
Kazenamida: Whoa! That's scary ass! **saw the picture**
NurikoLuver: I know!
NurikoLuver: It's freaky.....
NurikoLuver: LOL Scary ass
NurikoLuver: *laughs*
Kazenamida: ^_^;
Kazenamida: 't is
NurikoLuver: I'd like to post it, if he lets me. x_X
Kazenamida: LOL, he'll post it somewhere...
NurikoLuver: Once he puts his name on it, I'll ask him if I can post it on the blog.
NurikoLuver: I wonder if I'm the only one not carrying around an American flag..
Kazenamida: Yeah, D/A
Kazenamida: LOL, yeah right
Kazenamida: I'm not carrying one
NurikoLuver: I saw today on NBC
Kazenamida: I didn't even wear a shirt with one today
NurikoLuver: that in Chicago, they were attacking this community of Arabs
NurikoLuver: And one of the girls said that she will never look at an American flag the same away again
NurikoLuver: They came at her with American flags, chasing them
NurikoLuver: And she said she was scared they were going to hurt her with the pole..
Kazenamida: o_o;
NurikoLuver: The pole on which the American flag lies-- the SUPPOSED SYMBOL OF FREEDOM!
NurikoLuver: And she said her whole family slept in the same room
NurikoLuver: They were afraid they were going to break the windows.
Kazenamida: This is why I hate America...Being American is like a religion
NurikoLuver: Is America truly a place of freedom? Or is freedom practiced only when it's convenient?
Kazenamida: Anyone who goes against what America thinks is right is automatically wrong
NurikoLuver: LOL!
NurikoLuver: *nods* INstead of following America's policy, everyone should follow their own policy
NurikoLuver: No matter what, you will always disagree with someone on one point....
NurikoLuver: You should beleive in what YOU want to beleive in. Not what nearly fits your description of your beliefs.
Kazenamida: If America gets kicked in the balls, sure, they can react. But it should be "Why?" instead of "FUCK YOU! **punches**"
Kazenamida: Right
Kazenamida: But what rights we have in America...They're limited
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement for both statements*
NurikoLuver: We should want to TALK! Are we not "civilized beings"?
NurikoLuver: Our rights during war are severly limited.
Kazenamida: Adults have few rights. Kids have even less
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement*
Kazenamida: Adults can speak against the president, but kids can't speak against the school principle
NurikoLuver: I am going to be an adult in one year, but why do I have no say in if we become involved in a war?
NurikoLuver: Is that fair? Is it fair that boys at my school will be drafted and I have no say in it?!
Kazenamida: It's not fair...
NurikoLuver: Is it fair that if this war lasts long enough, that my sons will have to fight?
NurikoLuver: No one listens! They don't listen to people who they think are stupid, or have no power or influence!
And that is why we're in this predicament!
Kazenamida: That someday your children may be born into a debauched world filled with hate? Oh wait, it's too late
NurikoLuver: America only fights when they're hurt. That pisses me off.
NurikoLuver: ROFL!
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement*
Kazenamida: ^_^;
NurikoLuver: You're so funny sometimes, but it's true..
Kazenamida: Thankyou ^_^;
NurikoLuver: We can't make mistakes from here-- we cannot redeem ourselves. There's no room for mistakes. There's no room for errors.
But we have all the time in the world. And the American people are screaming "NOW! NOW!"
Kazenamida: But there's one thing that I laugh at...people who beleive in total pacifism...
Kazenamida: No matter what, people are going to have conflicts
Kazenamida: There's no way everyone can be completely at peace
NurikoLuver: *nods* And people won't always be able to sort it out
NurikoLuver: But I'd prefer pacifism...
NurikoLuver: I don't want us going to war when we can atleast TRY and sort things out
NurikoLuver: *nods*
Kazenamida: What if we kill Osama Bin Laden, and it wasn't him who sent the terrorists?
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement* They are quick to point the finger, and they only do that because the American people want it.
Kazenamida: If that happens, then we'll have just shoved ourselves into a grave
Kazenamida: That's all I can say...
NurikoLuver: They want to know who did this so they can extract revenge
Kazenamida: People are just quick to point fingers cause they need someone to blame
Kazenamida: So they can feel better
NurikoLuver: *nods in agreement*
Kazenamida: **thinks of more to say**
Kazenamida: BRB
Kazenamida: Back
Kazenamida: Somethin was wrong with Vader, and he just came back from the vet
Kazenamida: He was fine
Kazenamida: Hurt his hip when he was playing with Brandi.
NurikoLuver: I'm like any other individual American, in the fact that I mourn for these people, that I'm sad...and also that I'm angry!
But unlike others, who want quick revenge, I too, feel a punishment is neccesary (not so much as a revenge, but as to reinforce that terrorism is bad, and to make an example of them...perhaps then they will resist the temptation to become terrorists.), but I don't think that a punishment should be carried out at a time when we're very emotional, like now.
You don't think clearly when you're emotional, especially when you're angry,.
NurikoLuver: Awww...
Kazenamida: And, if we do retaliate, it should NOT be an eye for an eye
Kazenamida: It's like in kindergarten; two wrongs don't make a right
NurikoLuver: *nods* Does it make it right if we kill their innocents, as long as we extract revenge? Of course not!
Kazenamida: Right!
Kazenamida: This world...it's like kindergarten, seriously
Kazenamida: "Mommy, he knocked over my sand castle!" "Did not!" "Did too!"

Trudy, I'm really scared...

There's a nuclear power plant in Plymouth. That's about...An hour away. Now, my parents say that if they wanna do some damage, they'll blow up the nuclear power plant and whipe out everything from Cape Cod to Boston. I'm dead shit.

And, Mike might get drafted, if there's a war...I don't want Mike to go fight, if he has too...Of course, if you wanna get out of being drafted, you move to Canada and wade it out. I'm dead serious; that's what you gotta do... And, yes, I sorta wanna go to Canada to see OLP...

The good news is that they're going back to the studio in a couple weeks to start recording their fifth major record. Most people say it's fucking rediculous to come out with 3 albums in 3 years, but the guitarist says, and I quote, "Releasing an album every 2 and 1/2 years is bullshit.". And I agree. People may not always be hyped for albums, but if you go, like, 3 years between albums, people will start to forget about you. Really. It's happened to really good artists, and it's definitly not good. I used to be a huge Barenaked Ladies fan **cough**, but then I had listened to every one of their albums save one, and got sick of them...Then they came out with an album recently, and there was like, a 4 year break in between. Micheal Jackson hasn't released a new album for, like, 8 years, and you don't hear much about him anymore...Seriously, he may be "the King of Pop", but he sure ain't acting like it.

I got my picture of SD Zahura back all laminated...I'm PISSED. The laminater thingy discolored a couple inches of the top (made it piss yellow), and made the paper all weak and see through...She fucked it up completely. And she doesn't have any sharpies to lend out; you wanna borrow one, you gotta buy it off her. If she was gonna make us pay, why didn't she just tell us to buy them for ourselves? Jeebus. Instead we have to use those clunky "Mr. Sketch" markers, or something. They have broad tips, and they smudge really bad....So basically, a lot of people either didn't ink pictures, or their pictures got ruined cause they got smudged. I feel bad...Trudy, remember my cyborg person? I drew her for my portfolio cover, and I'm gonna put the lyrics to OLP's "In Repair" along the side. The song's about people treating eachother like machines...It's a really good song.

Anyways, just wanted to update a little...

Kaze-chan...I miss you!
I took a half day off, because I felt so bad...I had to lay down. I probably should have stayed at home, because NBC is now having individual accounts told of missing persons....I feel depressed because of that...and no one at my school cares that there might be a war. The boys keep saying that we should just bomb them. The girls don't want to, but no one really beleives there is going to be a war...I do..
Things can't go on like normal, and yet everyone wants us to beleive that they will. I'm scared, I'm tired, I'm paranoid. I'm just a kid. I shouldn't have to worry about the coming of WWIII. I should be doing kaoroke and reading manga and watching OAV and dreaming about weird stuff. But instead, I find myself drawing strange pictures of angels fighting with the American flag and swords over the earth. x_X And not to mention, besides being really sketchy, it's really creepy. Nothing like strange angel people attacking one another to make you unstable.
I'm scared to be alone sometimes. Even at the age of seventeen. I don't want my animals outside because I'm scared, I sleep in my brother's room because I'm scared. I'm seventeen years old, and this scares me. What scares me even more is that I might see boys from my school being recruited...I'm so glad my brother is several years younger than me. I'm so glad to be a woman right now-- they cannot take me. They cannot make me fight.
We fear what we do not understand. I don't understand any of this, so I am afraid.
I have no faith in really anything, so I cannot pray like others pray. All I can do is sit here and hope. Hope with all my might. (After all, in Magic Knight Rayearth, the will was the strongest thing in Cephiro...)

I’m not alone cause the TV’s on yeah.

I’m not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.

And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.

Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.

Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.

Our hearts littering the topsoil.

Tune in and we can get the last call.

Our lives, our coal.

Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.

Our hearts littering the topsoil.

Sign up it's the picket line or the parade.

Our lives.

I’m not alone cause the TV’s on yeah.

I’m not crazy cause I take the right pills everyday.

And rest, clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside with your grain.

Clean your conscious, clear your thoughts with speyside.

Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.

Our hearts littering the topsoil.

Tune in and we can get the last call.

Our lives, our coal.

Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.

Our hearts littering the topsoil.

Sign up it's the picket line or the parade, our lives.

(I bled the) greed from my arm.

Won’t they give it a rest now?

Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.

Our hearts littering the topsoil.

Tune in and we can get the last call.

Salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt, our hearts littering the topsoil.

Sign up it's the picket line or the parade.

~Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American

Bleed American, 2001



I wouldn't lie about my picture's date.

Mike and Dani are okay; Mike was in South Weymouth at his work, Dani had stayed home sick from work and that might've saved her from getting killed. The call couldn't get through because the phone lines where fuggled.

Last night was an aweful night...I worked on the same homework assignment from 7:30 to 9:30, watched the plane crash on TV, got frustrated when I couldn't figure out my homework, then got nagged by my dad to do dishes...Stress builded, I started crying, family noticed. As soon as I said "Dad's bugging me to do the dishes." he exploded into a fit of rage, screamed fuck every five seconds, and accused me of blaming him for everything, saying that he only asked me once (he asked me three times while I was trying to finish my work). I fled from the table, but he ran after me and screamed at me to finish my work. He did the dishes, then went to bed, and Mike let me cry on his shoulder and helped me with my homework.

This morning, we (me, mom, and Mike) talked about how funny dad looks when he gets really mad..But then, just before I left for the bus stop, Mom said "You gotta admit it though, this time Andrea, it was your fault.". Mike shot back "No, it wasn't.". I was hurt...But glad that I can at least trust my oldest brother.

Me and mom had a political conversation earlier...I dislike my country, and I can't quite explain why...I guess I'm an idealist. So, basically, her retorts made me feel like I was generally wrong.

Blargh! I feel nauseated again. I think it's listening to the way the goverment is reacting, and Megan.
Well, first of all, airplane usage is suspended indefinitely right now. Definitely, NOT a good idea. Think for a second how many companies are based on shipping via airplane? Most internet companies selling products use air-travel to ship their goods. And they said that people will probably be on airplanes before mail is. Our economy is being screwed up every minute they wait. A decision needs to be made quickly or the economy will be dramatically influenced for the worse. Do something- do it now. This should have been done years ago. (Strange how, until something bad happens, people don't want to get off their asses and do something.)
I'm angered and depressed by this. I find myself stressed, because just knowing this makes me angry. I tend to get tension-filled headaches at just the thought. It also makes me depressed, as on NBC today, the aunt and the mother of one of the airplane victims told the world about what their son/nephew said. It's depressing. I found my eyes coated with a layer of tears.
Secondly, I'm pissed off with Megan, a topic I will touch lightly because I feel the need to shove my fist through the wall every time I think about it. It seems that my trust has been betrayed again by an angry poser. Of course, since I should be censored in everything I say and do, and my words should always be used against me, even when said when I am angry, I deserve everything I get, nee? Well, it seems that I have a different opinion-- I can say what I want, and if you OR your mother is angered by my opinion, then that is your problem. As far as I'm concerned, the relationship between me and Megan is over. I have put much an effort into this friendship, and nothing was put back into it by her. I'm not going to always be the one who calls, or who tries to make up. I'm sick of listening to your lies, even as simple or stupid as they are. I'm not going to put up with something that pains me more than makes me feel better. Friendships should make me happy, but instead, I find myself grief-striken.
And people wonder why I can't make friends.
Courtney, call me tonite. I need to talk to you about something.

Andrea, my heart is with your brother. Its best to try and look for a brightside.
At the pace New York City walks at, 10 minutes can get a pretty good distance.
He was 10 minutes away, they would probably hear the commotion.. and I dont think actual large debris made it that far, just dust and smoke.
Like Trudy said, there is a warning out saying dont use cell phones unless you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.. he could have shut it off, or the local transmitter could have been on top of a near by building. Like my local tv stations on the satelite, they are all broadcasted from New York, and some of them dont come in.

And Trudy, you dont have anything to worry about. The government is too tied in up this stuff right now to come arrest such an knowledgable girl. Besides, you could just cough on them with your germs, and they would be powerless to stop you, eh? Bush is out of Louisiana, and back in the White House as of about 7pm last night. Who knows where he is NOW, but I doubt he would go back to Louisiana. He should go to Camp David, New York City, or the Pentagon.. cause those places have already been bombed. Or in case of Camp David.. ATTEMPTED bombing.. haha! You suck! YOU MISSED!

*cough* anyways.. yes, I suppose taunting the guys who wanna blow us up isnt the best thing to do. But hey.. fuc jo0 terrorists!

Personally, Kaze-chan, I think Bush is doing the best job he can right now (although he's not assesting a lot of the questions I want answered... -_-;;) I was worrying about your brother and his girlfriend, I mentioned it to Luke. I know your brother's okay, the cell phone crap hasn't been going through lately. Please don't worry. :-)

Actually, several times I almost cried, watching the news. Like when Congress started to sing, "God Bless America" or when they started showing people jumping from the buildings...It gets sorta repitious, but it hit me hard.

Kaze-chan, are you sure you just don't want to goto Canada for OLP? ^_~. I doubt we'll be evacuated, I doubt there will be attacks, and if there are, they will occur tonite. (Don't ask why...) I ish scared too, but it ish best not to think about it..

Trudy, be glad you didn't hear me and my friends on the bus today X_x. There was a shmuck load of Bush bashing.

Moving on, I'm really, really...worried. Mike's girlfriend, Dani, lives real close to the World Trade Center. Like, a ten minute walk away. And we haven't heard anything from Mike since this morning. We called his cell phone twice, and both times, he didn't pick up...Where could he be...

I hope school gets canceled.

I'm also thinking, if we get evacuated, we're goin to Canada o_o;;. I wanna go ^_^;;;;;. Really, I do...I just...wanna get out of this country for awhile. For those of you who are highly patriotic...Nevermind. I HATE THIS COUNTRY. I have my own reasons, but I'll keep them to myself for the sake of my inbox.

Wellll...the president's in my home state. Very reassuring news. I don't care how far away he is, as long as he's in my state, I'm going to be in a constant...er...state of paranoia... x_X I saw the Palestinians dancing in the streets and I was outraged; I was past outraged. I wish I knew why the terroists couldn't find a more amicable way to make their opinion known other than killing thousands of people.
People are confusing like that. And I feel a little sick again. I don't want to go back to school...I hope it gets cancelled...all of this that is happening...is just so scary... T_T
*listens to the president's speech*
Maybe it IS all a conspiracy theory...Like what happened at Pearl Harbor...perhaps the president wanted to be drawn into the war between the Israelities/Jews and the Palestines for the Holy Land, and perhaps he was warned of the possible terroist attacks, but needing support from the American people to start a war, decided to wait until an attack took place, so that he would be supported in implimenting an attack on the Palestinians. ^_^;; I'm not sure. I sure hope the FBI doesn't come to take me away or something. x_X Isn't that what they usually do to the people who know too much? x_X
Blargh. Don't take me away! I'm sick! x_X

I woke up to hear about the attacks on NYC, Washington DC, and Penny, and started freaking out. Not only do I live close to a major city (New Orleans), but the aspect of it possibly happeneing to one of the US's major port cities is just frightening...
I don't know what's going to happen, but I ish scared...I ish very scared... T_T I'm angry, too. I'm angry at whoever could do this! Whoever would want to do this!
What could make people so angry that they could hurt so many people? I got so upset just seeing the firefighters hugging each other and hearing the cracking voices of survivors from the second tower that I couldn't stand it anymore. I turned off the TV and come into the computer room...
That's just horrible! I'm just so angry! And so sad....I can't beleive someone could do that...
I hope we don't goto war...

Sole-pi, I just noticed as I got off that you just got on and IMed me. x_X I tried to get back on AIM, but for some stupid reason, it keeps giving me a "connection lost" message. No-- I'm not mad at you. I'll be online later, I'm feeling tired... T_T

I've just been sleeping off the sickness...I'm feeling so bleah and so wiped out. I doubt mom will let me take off another day, but the medicine's making me sick and really really sleepy. I just had about eleven straight hours of sleep and I'm still feeling very very lethargic. I feel like I'm going to pass out (I'm cold and energy-less...blargh...) and all I feel like is sleeping...I don't even have the energy to type... (I'm forcing myself to, key by key...) I'll probably feel better later... (Mom woke me up to take my meds...) But sleeping all day has its pluses, like..
Crackhead dreams! I just had the strangest Revolutionary Girl Utena dream. X_X And it took place in New Orleans, and everyone was there... x_X And as there were the reugular duels and such, it seemed that I was a new duelist, along with this other boy (who seemed to have a crush on me). The strange thing is, I had the memory of all the Utena tapes and manga I've read/watched, so sometimes I was able to predict what was going to happen, which lead Saionji to beleive I was psychic (XD Yeah right!) Anyways...it was very interesting, I was about to have my first true duel (even though I didn't even have the possestion of the Rose Bride), when mom woke me up to have my meds... What else was weird, was that just like this month's manga x_X Saionji and I were fighting in an elevator. And earlier in my dream, Utena was fighting against Saionji on TOP of an elevator. x_X And that's when that strange-haired kid (the other new duelist) appeared. x_X And I also looked very very strange, appearance-wise. I remember looking at myself in one of the mirrors at the mall in the French Quarter (there's a really small mall in the French Quarter, I dun remember the name, but in the dream, it was bigger, and we all went to have coffee there. x_X) and I had a very strange hairdo...but it was cool...(We also had most of the duels in that mall. x_X)
It was very interesting, walking around New Orleans with Utena and Anshii, particularly when we were waiting for the Street Car and talked for awhile. And it began to rain. It was so cute, because we were trying to keep Anshii dry XD And also one of the duelists fell in love with the local news anchor (the one on Channel Four News) and sent her flowers. X_X Of course, this was also the same one who had a crush on me. x_X
The only duelists I really talked to were Utena, Miki, Saionji (not for long), the new guy, and Touga. x_X I didn't really see/talk to anyone else. But it was very very interesting. x_X I want to go back to sleep just to have this dream...
I think I will. x_X